Darrel, Francoise, and Mehdi

Mehdi is a 25 year old gay Persian muslim living in Shraz Iran. We met on Silver Daddies. We’ve Skyped and exchanged e-mails. I’ve asked him to marry me. He’s accepted. He’s studying some computer course that will last for 2 years. He also seems to have a drinking problem and an anger management issue.
Did I mention he lives in Iran?
It’s amazing that we can chat to the level that we do. We’ve traded some intimate photos –he’s a very healthy boy! — I’m surprised that the religious police hasn’t hauled him to the local hoosegow. At one point he mentioned he was contemplating being shipped in a crate out of Iran.
So, meeting up with him seems nigh impossible. Unless the Iranian government suddenly espouses freedom of religion and allows nuclear inspectors to check on their laboratories, I doubt that we will ever see each other in the flesh. Still, I toy with the idea that one day we will meet. I’m like a cat playing with a mouse: I don’t eat it but I bat it around.
By the way, this same attraction happened with myself and Ash, a 25 year old gay muslim from Algeria. How he was able to keep his faith and be gay is beyond my comprehension.
Francoise is a 6o + year old alcoholic living here in Long Beach. Francoise was born in France, is HIV+ and suffers from depression and anxiety. He is also a painter. I see him pretty regularly throughout the week. I’m hoping to join his meditation meeting when it starts up. He has a dry wit, a liberal view and very big hands. He seems to be in service at most gay meetings I attend. He’s working a very visible program. We had breakfast a while back and I provided some info regarding SSI. I hope the info was right! Anyway, I feel comfortable with and attracted to him. Not sexually, mind you, but as a friend. This is something that has developed over time, obviously, but there’s more of a possibility developing than with Mehdi.
Darrell is a married chap I met at Mark’s Christmas party. He is familiar with Richard Rohr and Eckhardt Tolle. I, of course, bragged that I knew both of them from way back. We both spoke of mindfulness (I’m getting sick of that word!). We have exchanged emails regarding the start-up of a meditation meeting that Francoise is putting together. Here’s the thing: I truly enjoyed the connection we established at Mark’s. Yet I cannot bring myself to respond to his last email. I feel anxious, uncomfortable, pulled into a vortex of relationship that is going to fast. It’s completely irrational. Someone who is right here I’m afraid of; someone in Iran I am not.
Is that screwed up or what?


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