Chronic fatigue

I haven’t been here in a while. Preoccupied with getting my nest settled. New furniture came yesterday — more to come. I have appointments set up for heart, dermatology and neurology. As Pat Duggan used to say “We’re not broke but were badly bent.”

Ash from Algeria has sent me brief greetings from some place in the desert while in the army. He claims he’s having a good time. Medo just had a birthday and hasn’t gotten back to me. Oh, my CD player came back working but now the cassette player is not. Sigh, it’s always something.

My main preoccupation is that I’m constantly tired. I take naps and I sleep 8 hours a night. I took a nitroglycerin tablet last night. I seemed to have slept better. I slept pretty good when I had oxygen at the campout. Crazy Kate at the Monday night 11th step meeting asked if I had COPD.She also asked me how old I was.

So, I asked Mary this morning to accompany me to the heart doctor tomorrow. She had offered 2 days ago aid I didn’t think I needed her. I humbly believe I do. We’ll see.

In looking around the house, I realize that I’m accumulating goods and chattels to appear tasteful and brilliant in the face of my family. I compulsively spend money to look good. What a dangerous thing it is to have money. The ego swells with pride: look at me!!!!!!!!!. Richard Rohr, in his blunt way, would stand with the prophets and bellow “repent.” Like the gospel parable, I claim to have “married a wife and bought a cow; I have fields and commitments and cannot come to the banquet.” The “banquet” is heaven, eternal life, what everyone is ultimately striving toward. I’m too distracted by the glitter and baubles I encounter along the way.

Why did I move to Phoenix? To reconnect with my family, to do away with stairs and to live more comfortably on my pensions. I think the one base reason of moving to Phoenix is to cover myself in glory in the eyes of my family and to burrow into the cave of the house on Luke.

In the meantime, surprise and surprise, I feel physically like crap.


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