Re-sentment — to feel over and over

Last night’s meditation  meeting was a comedy of errors. N is the designated leader. It occurred to me that she needs to be evaluated for dementia. First, she shows up unprepared. Mad scramble ensues looking for a reading. Then K wants to show N how to ring the “singing bowl.” This took a bit of time and involved ringing the damn thing over and over.

So, the meditation happens. Only to be interrupted by the noisy ringer of, you guessed it, N’s phone. The time ended with a persistent beep of a timer that N was trying to operate. Then, the ringer went off again. I involuntarily remarked “Please…” So, sharing went on, Of course D had to share. She remarked that she is a control freak. To which I remarked “Really?”

I had to go to the bathroom and left before the meeting concluded.

Everyone seemed to be placid and unperturbed. Sort of what you expect from a group of AAs. I did not feel what they were experiencing. I wanted to rip the phone from N’s cavernous purse and fling the whole thing out the window. I want to slip some pills to K so she really falls sleep during the meditation. I want to exile D to a deserted island where she can scratch at her tattoos until she bleeds.

And yes, those tats make her look cheap and scuzzy.

As I write this, I realize that these mainstays of the Monday night meditation group are seriously mentally ill. Generally an axis II ilk. So, I need to accept those things I need serenity over. Not my will be done.

But I still think N needs to be evaluated for dementia.


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