Sunday hum-day

It occurred to me this morning that Sunday is a waste of a day for me. Without a family, I suppose, it hangs heavy in that I don’t have anything structured to fill my time. Oh sure, there’s the crosswords and other mind challenging games to play in the newspaper. But, in the end, (dare I say it) I’m bored.

It doesn’t help that Ash is incommunicado. What can I expect? He’s 8 hours ahead, observing Ramadan in Algeria. I had the same hurdles in communication with Firman in days gone past. Although yesterday we had a delightful conversation while on Facebook; it was relaxed, easy-going and honest. Rather refreshing. Still, with Ash I am afraid. Afraid that I’ve been abandoned, left high and dry. Fear is useless, what is needed is trust. Yes, but it is hard when it is so hot and he is so far away.

I came up with a new word today in meditation. “Timefulness”. God, who is timeless, became timeful in the birth and life of Jesus. The energy and joy that went into that experience is known in the Spirit. The Spirit lives on as Jesus (the flesh and blood timeful person of Jesus) exists in those of us who are baptized into that experience. We become the living Christ, the Jesus who rose from the dead, we are the embodyment of the timefulness of God in our own flesh and blood. And the joy and energy that animates us and empowers us is the Spirit, like a dog dancing at our feet rejoicing at our presence. All of creation is the timefulness of God. And so, all creation gives glory and praise to the creator. Hah.

I’ve decided to crack down on the Facebook postings I see. If there’s any mention of DJT, I’ll hide the post, especially if there is a picture of him. The media (who ever they are) have gone out of their way to portray him consistently in the most unflattering way. He is either scowling, smirking or looking smug like Mussolini.

Joe is moving in this month. In truth, I hardly know him. His enmeshment with his ex-wife and his kids is appalling. While he may be able to handle the rigors of his job, he seems to be at sea when it comes to the nastiness of his ex-wife’s machinations and the pull she seems to have on the kids which, in turn, yanks him every which way. His plan to move to Austin with all of them after January seems as suicidal as a moth’s beeline to a flame. I keep asking him “And who will be your support if you move there?” While everyone has advice to give him (Mary, Dan, Pat, Tom) I don’t think he listens. I’m going to be careful in trying to avoid the trap of giving advise when it’s not been asked. I’ll answer questions, I’ll ask questions, but I won’t (try not to) give any more big brother wisdom. It’s just a waste of words.

I had dinner with Ken V and Joe L last night after the Dignity Mass. Ken is still angry at the diocese (everyone is an asshole) and Joe seems to be in the early phases of trying to re-connect with Phoenix clergy for community. I mused on where I’m at in this whole thing: I am in good health despite (or because of) all the pills I’m taking. Financially I’m stable. As far as the diocese goes, they don’t know where I am and I don’t know what my status is with them. I know I’m without faculties, but am I in “good” standing? Does it matter? At this point, I don’t mind being under the radar.  To most people, I’m known as a retired social worker. It was 41 years ago tomorrow that I was ordained. I resigned in 1995. Here it is, the 21st century, and I’m a 67 yr old gay man, retired, living alone in a family home, alone, a volunteer at a job resource center for the homeless and… what? Is that all there is? Need there be more?


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