While waiting for a petition

A woman came into Subway tonight while I was having my Monday night spicy Italian salad. She was heavy-set, walked with a cane, and wore shorts that exposed vast expanses of very white large legs. I judged her as she gimped in. She was seemingly impervious to her condition or to my baleful stare.

During meditation tonight I pondered why I am so judgmental. It hit me. I am judgmental because I think that people are judging me about my relation with Achraf. They think (so I muse) he’s too old for him. What’s he doing getting involved at his age in a romantic relationship? How realistic does he think this is: a Muslim from Algeria with a Christian from Arizona? What on earth do they have in common?

And general damning thoughts of that nature.

No one has voiced those ideas to me. I haven’t shared the joy and happiness I’ve found with Achraf. That I felt so relaxed with him, so natural, even to the point of sleeping with him without tension. Surely people have experienced that joy in relationships, that completeness, that wondrous “fit” with another human that they can understand why I am so smitten with the idea of finding that completeness, that “fit” with Achraf,

Yes, there are cultural differences. There are age differences. There is his propensity of calling me a “great man.” (I need to talk to him about that). But even with his struggle with the language, I understand what he’s saying and I accept his love, his devotion and appreciation.  Does it feed my ego? Yes! And I admire his pluck, his creativity, his maturity, and his drive. His energy transforms me to the point that I forget my age and my infirmities.

Is this more than I had imagined it would ever be? Yes, and perhaps more than I had hoped it would be. I cannot stay indifferent to this relationship. This is a big deal. Against my better judgment, I’m in hook, line and sinker.

Which poses a tough question: what happens if the petition is denied? There are lots of reasons for denial, I suppose: age difference, not enough evidence to show that there’s been an ongoing relationship prior to our meeting, his being Muslim. We don’t have a lawyer. Perhaps we could get one if the denial is made. But then what? Supposing, lawyer or no, we still are prevented by the UCSIS of having Achraf come here to be married.What then?

Owing to my health needs, I can’t relocate to Algeria or Tunisia. Going to another country, like Portugal, would still require a visa for Achraf which may not be forthcoming there either since they have their own foreign worker problems.

There are insurmountable barriers for both of us. For me, health care; for him a visa.

Oh Pooh, what is there to do?


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