Evolving in a vacuum

In this morning’s meditation, it pointed out that we are “complex people still evolving.” I pondered that. Am I still discovering who I am at the age of 68? Are there parts of me that are undiscovered and I’m trying to get to know?

I think the answer is yes. I immediately began to reflect on the lives of my siblings. They all have spouses — some have had multiple spouses and the attendant deaths and divorces that go along with that — as well as children and grandchildren. These have been the crucibles in which they have had their characters shaped, the rock polishing machines in which their rough ways have been smoothed and their strengths and weaknesses sharpened.

They have all displayed a resilience, a loyalty, a fierceness and steel when it comes to caring for their loved ones and one another. They are gentle and strong; humorous and serious.

Me? I have no spouse or off spring. I’m engaged but to a 29 year old Gay Muslim in Algeria, a country boy who’s world revolves around his family and Tae Kwon Do. He’s clever, naive and stuck in emotional infatuation.

Perhaps the major choices I’ve made in my life, the deviance I’ve taken from the path that my parents had laid out for me from my youth, I guess was a rebellion on my part, and was the path I took in which my character could be shaped and formed. Not content to be molded in the image of what my parents wanted on the potters wheel, I kept jumping off into new adventures, doing geographics, exploring possibilities. With no partner or children to hold me back, I had real freedom to do so.

What has it gained me? I suppose a growth that’s as crazy as the South African succulent I have growing in a pot in my front yard. It’s drought resistant, it’s growing at crazy angles, it’s trying to put out a flower; and it’s fierce in the way it proclaims its presence. It says, I’m here, ain’t I something?


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